Judging each other
This morning my friend, Sue, and I were discussing our community. We spoke of one person who always has plenty to say and usually not complimentary about someone else.
We spoke of some residents who are pretty much hermits and wondered why they did not appear in the community hall when a luncheon or a speaker or a game day was on the calendar. Those of us who do make it a point to attend every function jokingly say "if you are not there, you are the one who gets talked about".
Sadly though, that is not a joke. For some reason the talk is seldom complimentary. Once it has been determined the absentee is not at the doctor's office, that person's character is dissected.
"There must be a reason she is not here." "I heard she had a fight with --- and won't come to anything that ---attends." " Well I
heard-" and so it goes. No one really has an idea why Sally didn't come today, yet everyone thinks they know. Sally is judged.
I have caught myself offering an opinion now and then before
realizing what I am doing. Quickly I bite my tongue.
From Felix Salten ,I think, came the familiar phrase "if you can't say something good, don't say nothing at all." Why is it so hard for us humans to say nothing at all?
Sue and I agree that sometimes it is extremely difficult to find one
single nice thing about a particular person. My policy generally is
-if I cannot think of one nice thing about that person's personality or behavior, I say something like--"she does have pretty curtains in her front window".
Animals judge too, but in a much different way.
Dogs seem to have an inborn instinct in reading each other's intentions correctly. They do have a common set of rules regarding body language. Their body positions, tailset, eyes, ears, lips, even the hairs along their spine relay their feelings towards the approaching dog. Every size and breed understands and judges accordingly.
Many dogs judge humans well. They sense who is to be trusted and who might not be. How do they do this when humans are so good at acting-at pretending to be what they are not? Dogs see through this. That is one reason being an animal control officer is a hard task. The gentle voice, the treats in hand, cannot fool the potential captive as to the intent. Most dogs anyway.
I had a very friendly little
Schipperke who traveled to work with me daily. He spent the day beneath my desk. He greeted all the men who came in to the office with doggie smiles and wiggles (no tail!). But one day a man came in who did not seem to be objectionable in any way.
Kip would not go near him. He stayed next to the desk growling.
My boss told me later that the man turned out to be of bad character. My boss also said he always trusted the judgement of a good dog. Kip was always welcome in that office.
Now cats are another story. I sincerely believe they can assess the
character of a human too. But many times they deal with it in a completely different fashion than their canine counterparts.
My mother-in-law did not like cats. She would not hurt one. She just did not want one near her. Every time, without fail, when she came to visit, my cat would immediately ignore the other seven people in the room and head directly for Mom. Up on the back of the chair she sat in, rubbing his jaw against her hair. I could swear he wore an impish grin. Either he sensed that he was not welcome and was trying to change her mind, or, as I suspect, he was thoroughly enjoying harassing her.
Something good in every person say we humans. Are dogs willing to give one they judge to be a risk a second chance?
Hmmm---Hannah always barks or growls under her breath when the very person whom Sue and I were discussing earlier passes by.
I have tried to correct her many times but she has made her judgement and she is sticking to it.
We spoke of some residents who are pretty much hermits and wondered why they did not appear in the community hall when a luncheon or a speaker or a game day was on the calendar. Those of us who do make it a point to attend every function jokingly say "if you are not there, you are the one who gets talked about".
Sadly though, that is not a joke. For some reason the talk is seldom complimentary. Once it has been determined the absentee is not at the doctor's office, that person's character is dissected.
"There must be a reason she is not here." "I heard she had a fight with --- and won't come to anything that ---attends." " Well I
heard-" and so it goes. No one really has an idea why Sally didn't come today, yet everyone thinks they know. Sally is judged.
I have caught myself offering an opinion now and then before
realizing what I am doing. Quickly I bite my tongue.
From Felix Salten ,I think, came the familiar phrase "if you can't say something good, don't say nothing at all." Why is it so hard for us humans to say nothing at all?
Sue and I agree that sometimes it is extremely difficult to find one
single nice thing about a particular person. My policy generally is
-if I cannot think of one nice thing about that person's personality or behavior, I say something like--"she does have pretty curtains in her front window".
Animals judge too, but in a much different way.
Dogs seem to have an inborn instinct in reading each other's intentions correctly. They do have a common set of rules regarding body language. Their body positions, tailset, eyes, ears, lips, even the hairs along their spine relay their feelings towards the approaching dog. Every size and breed understands and judges accordingly.
Many dogs judge humans well. They sense who is to be trusted and who might not be. How do they do this when humans are so good at acting-at pretending to be what they are not? Dogs see through this. That is one reason being an animal control officer is a hard task. The gentle voice, the treats in hand, cannot fool the potential captive as to the intent. Most dogs anyway.
I had a very friendly little
Schipperke who traveled to work with me daily. He spent the day beneath my desk. He greeted all the men who came in to the office with doggie smiles and wiggles (no tail!). But one day a man came in who did not seem to be objectionable in any way.
Kip would not go near him. He stayed next to the desk growling.
My boss told me later that the man turned out to be of bad character. My boss also said he always trusted the judgement of a good dog. Kip was always welcome in that office.
Now cats are another story. I sincerely believe they can assess the
character of a human too. But many times they deal with it in a completely different fashion than their canine counterparts.
My mother-in-law did not like cats. She would not hurt one. She just did not want one near her. Every time, without fail, when she came to visit, my cat would immediately ignore the other seven people in the room and head directly for Mom. Up on the back of the chair she sat in, rubbing his jaw against her hair. I could swear he wore an impish grin. Either he sensed that he was not welcome and was trying to change her mind, or, as I suspect, he was thoroughly enjoying harassing her.
Something good in every person say we humans. Are dogs willing to give one they judge to be a risk a second chance?
Hmmm---Hannah always barks or growls under her breath when the very person whom Sue and I were discussing earlier passes by.
I have tried to correct her many times but she has made her judgement and she is sticking to it.
Whenever I hear someone judging or saying unkind words about someone not present I
ReplyDeletemake a mental note never to tell her my business, good or bad. I have a few good friends
I know are trustworthy. And yes, it's a good thing cats can't talk!
Good advice!
ReplyDelete