The song continues after all

Today is my birthday.  The grand old age of 86.  I don't feel 86, or even 68.  When I went to wash my face this morning I looked in the mirror-something I seldom do.  In fact it is a standing joke with my friends when I tell them "let me know if my hair is a mess".  But this morning I thought I would sneak a peek.  Hmm- does that face looking back at me really look like it is 86 years old?  I do see  traces of the pretty girl I once was so very many years ago.  I have out-lived three husbands.  Don't suppose that is anything to brag about.  And NO, I had nothing to do with any of their demises.

What do I have to show for my 86 years?  Four terrific kids, grown to wonderful, responsible, caring adults.  Four grown grandchildren- one missing from the family right now, but loved as much anyway.  And two handsome great grandsons.  

I have one published book to my credit, small, but a token to leave behind to the children.

As I lay in bed last night I recalled how very much I have seen during my lifetime.  From the dial-up party telephone line to e/mail.  Boy did we have fun listening in to our neighbor's phone conversations.  A man walking on the moon!  The same moon my Dad read to me about the cow jumping over?  Wars.  The "War to end all wars" was just the beginning.  I don't remember that one of course; however, I was in grade school during the 2nd world war and recall much of it vividly.  This country was so different then.  It was "rally round the flag boys"--filled with patriotism, we saluted the flag before class began.  We prayed aloud--in school--for our country and our brave soldiers defending our right to do so.    We didn't have red states and blue states--we had red,white and blue.  We had Uncle Sam.  We had "Our Father who art in Heaven" and we trusted that He was watching over us.  Our Mothers  got together in the school cafeteria and rolled bandages for the wounded.  We had rationing. Some small things we could do do support the war effort.  There was such a strong sense of togetherness that we have not known since.  Even though there has scarcely been a moment when we were not at war somewhere in the world.      Children could ride their bikes and be gone all day as long as they were home by dark in time for supper.  Parents did not have to worry.  There were no druggies waiting to entrap them, no one waiting to snatch a little girl as she walked home from school.  I walked about a mile through wooded areas with few houses.  This lasted even through my own children's youth.  By the time my grandchildren came along, you did not dare turn your face away from your young child in the Mall.  My daughter stood at the end of her driveway waiting for the school  bus with her 1st grade son.  Children disappeared so quickly--and still do. 

Our government--in which we were so proud--what happened?  Did my generation fail it?  Or the generation of the children we raised ? (which would make it our fault too).  I am aware that each generation thinks the one following them is a mess--in large as well as small.  We cannot stand their choice of music.  The clothing they wear is scandalous.  But who raised them I ask?  Because it is human nature to rebel, to want to be different--that is the reason for all the changes, and yes, the progress.  Good and not so good.  Atomic power, wind power, solar energy.  E mail, and social media.  Republican. Democrat and a few struggling 3rd parties who are trying to fix the tangled web.  The horse now a luxury, the automobile a necessity.  Charter schools/ public schools.  The family doctor has become a specialist for each body part.  No one doctor who not only knows all about you, but he has personal knowledge of your family too.  Mine even knew the name of my dog!  Maybe it is better this way.  People do seem to live longer and healthier lives.  But I liked it when the family doctor came to the house one winter evening when my young daughter ran a high fever.  I did not have to bundle her up and drive to a facility where neither she nor I knew anyone.   I could go on for pages.  I won't.  COVID 19 appeared, and the country has become a strange place.  Thank goodness for the internet for it has kept us close when we are necessarily apart.  Progress can be good--has been good overall.  Perhaps it is just that the 40 and 50 year olds look at me and see an old woman.  My thoughts and ideas antiquated.  They are right.  I am grateful for all the years I have dwelt on this beautiful planet.  I am grateful for the gift of family and friends.  For the greatest gifts of all, my children.    For the education I was given by parents and teachers both.  For all the animals, my own and those I had a part in healing and training, and many of whom healed and taught me.  I am grateful to have been born in the US, to have spent my youth on a working family farm.  For grandparents who took part in our young lives and shared their knowledge.  

I made so many mistakes in my life.  I realize now they cannot be undone.  Que sera sera.  Too late to fret.  

The sun is shining.  The wind is blowing.  My cat is dozing in a sunbeam.  My dog is snoring with her head next to my foot. I am surrounded by birthday cards and as yet unopened gifts.  My older daughter is coming this evening.  It is good.  And this old woman is heading into another year.